Women have been kvetching about the impossible beauty standards set by ladies’ mags for ages. But to me, the articles are the killers. In the past month alone, I’ve found out my hair is unsexy (because it’s curly), stress may cause infertility and men’s midlife crises now start at thirty-five. I read an advice column that screamed, “Help! My Internet Boyfriend’s a Bisexual Cross Dresser” and another offering, “5 Signs You’re a Bad Co-Worker.” And I thoroughly enjoyed reading the masterpiece, “Why I Stole My Best Friend’s Guy.” As if skyrocketing unemployment and endless wars aren’t scary enough. Now we have to fear our best gals mackin’ on our dudes.

‘Course, in these mags, men are a bunch of selfish, untrustworthy hound dogs who either game-play their way into women’s undies or must be manipulated into relationships. “Make Him Stay” and “Why Men Cheat” are constant titles, while the slew of articles meant to guide women through human relationships could be summed up by the headline, “Ten Things Women Do to Screw Up Their Relationships (and, basically, their lives…idiots).”

The best article this week was a stunning piece of investigative journalism entitled, “Did You Know Your Vagina Can Fall Out of Your Body?” Must be one of those secrets the medical industry keeps from us. I can only imagine the conversations that’ll now take place across the nation: “You hear about Gwendolyn? She was running to catch a bus and her vagina just popped right on out!”

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Last-modified: 2021-02-24 (水) 01:30:40 (6d)